True Stories - Forgiveness
It was a tiny knife. So small that it was laughable. But in my ten year old hand it seemed like a perfectly acceptable murder weapon. The small fist that clutched that knife held years of bitterness and pain.
I don't remember what I said, probably something like, "If you ever come near me again I'll kill you!" I do remember that the words were spat out with pure rage.
All he did was laugh. The man who had destroyed my life and stolen my childhood just laughed at me. No shame, no remorse and no fear. Fear was what I really wanted. He just laughed. I was left with no relief, no power and no revenge. The bitterness and the hate just grew until it cut me off from everyone else. The most important, the most all consuming thing in my life and no-one else knew about it. I felt lonely, bitter and unlovable. I would scream and cry into my pillow with anger. The knot of bitterness inside me was too shameful, too unbelievable to tell and it formed a chasm between me and everyone else.
One day a large tent appeared in the school field with a banner that read "Come Alive". It turned out to be a bunch of "born again Christians". I'd hardly even heard of a born again Christian let alone knew what they believed. All I knew was that they were a bit fanatical, had tambourines and waved their arms about a lot. So when my mother started going to some of their meetings I was a little puzzled. One evening my mum returned home shortly after she had left to go to the tent. "It's a youth meeting tonight" she said, "Why don't you come". After all I was curious. I don't remember much about that meeting. I spent a lot of time staring at the grass on the uncovered ground. I don't even remember what the speaker had to say. I do remember that I could feel that Jesus was there and that he loved me. He knew everything about me and he loved me.
At the end of that meeting the speaker asked if anyone would like to come to the front and become a Christian. I did. With a lonely heart crying out for love and acceptance I handed over my life to the God who promises to love us regardless of who we are, what we have done or what we have had done to us.
It was a tiny knife. So small that it was laughable. But in my ten year old hand it seemed like a perfectly acceptable murder weapon. The small fist that clutched that knife held years of bitterness and pain.
I don't remember what I said, probably something like, "If you ever come near me again I'll kill you!" I do remember that the words were spat out with pure rage.
All he did was laugh. The man who had destroyed my life and stolen my childhood just laughed at me. No shame, no remorse and no fear. Fear was what I really wanted. He just laughed. I was left with no relief, no power and no revenge. The bitterness and the hate just grew until it cut me off from everyone else. The most important, the most all consuming thing in my life and no-
One day a large tent appeared in the school field with a banner that read "Come Alive". It turned out to be a bunch of "born again Christians". I'd hardly even heard of a born again Christian let alone knew what they believed. All I knew was that they were a bit fanatical, had tambourines and waved their arms about a lot. So when my mother started going to some of their meetings I was a little puzzled. One evening my mum returned home shortly after she had left to go to the tent. "It's a youth meeting tonight" she said, "Why don't you come". After all I was curious. I don't remember much about that meeting. I spent a lot of time staring at the grass on the uncovered ground. I don't even remember what the speaker had to say. I do remember that I could feel that Jesus was there and that he loved me. He knew everything about me and he loved me.
At the end of that meeting the speaker asked if anyone would like to come to the front and become a Christian. I did. With a lonely heart crying out for love and acceptance I handed over my life to the God who promises to love us regardless of who we are, what we have done or what we have had done to us.
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